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Wednesday, 25 November 2009

In honor of Thanksgiving…
Things I’m so grateful for this year…
My family.   Even though their crazies. Break down: My Mom: I was thinking the other day…if my mom and I were in the same class in elementary school, would I have gravitated towards her? Would we have become friends? The answer is no. BUT, my mom would go amazing feats for me in some ways…would stay by my side if I was stuck in the hospital, she would loan me money if I ever needed it, and offer up her time/resources in ways I simply could not expect from anyone else.   And although she’s completely emotionally unavailable, I know enough to value her, and the huge things she’d feel compelled to give intrinsically (without even a thought), and I invest time in that relationship (because I know it’s a unique one). My brother: He’s so completely, calm, normal, reactions appropriate, and caring in many ways. He invites me to hang out with him and his family. He’s flexible enough to offer up his time to fix anything he can of mine (computer, air conditioner, toilet, garbage disposal). + He lives life well (healthy balance, no addictions, nothing really abnormal at all. Good perspective on things). He’s one member, that I know whoever meets him, if they are similar to me, will love. I’m proud/grateful for that. My niece (who is a 3 year old): accepting is a key word to discribe. Ready for anyone at all to play with her (I hope she stays that way). Plus, when you tell her a toy is broken or we can’t do something, she’ll often just express “It’s okay” (grace. She’s already learned grace:). Nephew (7 months): cute. Sure, he has a distiquishable high pitched squeal that’s worse than nails to chalkboard, but…but he’s cute and I feel that’s one of his main jobs at this point. He’s doing a fabulous job at it BTW.;) His presence just shouts “just observe me, people. Just observe me. And that shall give you energy.” Ha ha! Other people /will consider family: my brother married into a family that is always inviting all of us over for holidays, etc., and have been great. Kind/nice people. So I am thankful for that.
Other things…
Good health. People with a dying heart or non-functioning kidneys would give away a billion dollars to have their health in line or heck, even just to feel good physically, so got to remember it.
Coworkers. Amazing people at work... it’s seriously the twilight zone the number of personalities there that I absolutely love.
I’ve recently found a few new friends to add to my already amazing pile…I’m so grateful for having a few new people to do things with.

Other things...
In honor of Thanksgiving…love, love the below. I have it on my wall.
Bliss
“Most of what happens in the course of a day simply does not matter. We miss a deadline. Someone misunderstands what we say. We get cut off in traffic by a Hummer when we’re in a hurry. We lose a phone number. We make a gauche remark because we’re nervous. We’re late, we’re late, for a very important date. A bill collector calls. A check bounces. There’s a poppy seed stuck in our teeth. We aren’t invited to a party but our friend is. We get tuned down… for a job, a relationship, a loan. There’s no hot water. The dog digs another damned hole in the front yard. Someone pretends not to see us on the street. We have a flat tire. The printer runs out of ink in the middle of a job. We worry about our breath. We accidentally fart in yoga…or just walking through the office. One of our useless possessions breaks.   Someone’s big ego arm-wrestles our big ego to the ground. The last carton of yogurt is past its expiration date. Why do we give these things precedence over the color of the sky, the kindness of strangers, the interior world of a peony, the size of our soul? I drive back and forth to work over a soaring bridge with a panoramic view of harbor, sea, sailboats and skyline- and I forget to see it. Motion lights turn themselves on when I come home late at night- and I forget to marvel. The oven cleans itself- and I forget to celebrate. Fortunately, there’s no deadline to miss on ordinary bless. It never goes flat, there’s no expiration date and the party it throws is always in progress. Best of all, there’s no invitation required.”
Nikki Hardin (editor of “Skirt Magazine”)

Hope you all have an amazing Thanksgiving.
Be thankful and make it great!
<3,
Karen
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“When you die 
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God and the angels will hold you accountable 
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for all the pleasures you were allowed in life 
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that you denied yourself.”
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 - Anonymous
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Tuesday, 17 November 2009

A variety of things...

I haven’t been in the Holiday spirit this year. Is it officially the holiday season yet anyhow? I don’t even know.  Maybe I’m still okay not to be starting it. At any rate, I’ve been feeling behind with it, so was out and bought the following to help me get into the holiday mood…



Bath & Body Works Cinnamon candles (both those scents)

    +

ULTA Cinnomon Roll shower gel
    +

AmazeMint lip gloss

I think I’m going to try to get all my Christmas shopping done in one day this year.  Each year it’s different. This year- I’m thinking is the all in one day type.

Harder day @ work tomorrow    I do an hour presentation + lead this Tri-State food package meeting. I’ve never been the lead over practically anything before in my life, so a bit nervous about it. I’m just going to go with whatever my mind nudges me to do.   Would expect be a little unconfortable the first go around of anything, anyhow, ya know?

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Guys don’t do this…

Things that should immediately turn girls off (any of us) on dates…

#1.) Mr. “let me try to wrap you into a whole bunch of future plans when I don’t even know you” man. Let me explain. I’ve met several people (not just one anomaly of a guy), who uses the words “we’ll’, “when we”, “wait until we” way, way, WAY too much on the first date. For example, I have an ex-boyfriend, who, first I must add, before we started dating, I was completely, overwhelmingly infatuated with for years. BUT… first date, started acting weird, asking just really bizarre questions like “when would be the soonest you’d want to get married?” Before these type of comments, I really saw myself with this guy, so I tried to push them out of my head, but even though I was with him for awhile after that (because I liked him so much before hand) I felt buried alive between that and other similar comments made out of not recognizing “this is a complex person you don’t know the layers of yet”. I need to be able to trust what my guy says. Believe him. And know he has judgment to know what he’s saying is true. Another guy I went out with, from the first date, wanted to make plans for an overnight cruise. That one may have just wanting one thing, but then again, he may have just assumed things would be good w/ us- I don’t even know which. But do know I need a guy that is able to want/know something better than that. Talking about some future things is fine, but no huge commitments right away/first date or so, okay? I’ll be troubled by anything less. I’ll never be able to burry it under the rug, and assumptions will affect my analysis of his judgment. I want to trust what you say. I might want to see you again, but don’t assume it so often in our conversation. I love a humble man that isn’t too assuming, plus these guys are just a little creepy.

#2.) Mr. “I don’t want any relationship with you at all if you don’t want to be my lover” man. Really? I mean really? As an example, this one guy asked me out, but I saw through one date I wasn’t that interested and just wanted to be friends - I explained to him that I wasn’t interested, but honestly wanted to keep him as a friend and would let him know next time something was going on that we could maybe hang out. He literally wrote me this text back saying “Look, I’m 31, I want to find someone I can be with. I don’t need anymore friends. I want someone I can cuddle with while we’re watching a movie and be with.” Oh my gosh! As if, whoever you end up with anyhow, you’d wouldn’t hopefully want to be around regardless if they’d accept you as a friend or other, anyhow right? I hope he’d at least be willing to be accepting new friends in general. I’ve always been & probably will always be on the lookout for cool new people to add to my stash of friends. I don’t understand otherwise. Maybe there’s something I’m missing. Plus who knows? This guy/these guys may have potentially met a good match for them by hanging out with some of my other friends, right? It is just bizarre to meet people so focused on one goal like that. They need to relax it a bit and just appreciate, even the girls they meet that they may not end up being with, a conversation or friendship with them may bless their lives regardless. And if they’re not even enamored with you enough to let a friendship happen, is it really someone you’d want to be with long term anyhow? I don’t get it. Aw well. Regardless, I don’t want any of it.

#3.) Mr. “I’m too cool to be real man.” Learn nothing significant about him. He refuses any amount of transparency. I can’t make his guard come down, but what I do know is am a real person, and need a real person. We’re all real- so I know your faking. But I can’t make you reveal yourself.

But then, regardless of the above, there are also guys out there that seem so perfect, but are just not for me. I appreciate all these guys. I appreciate anyone sane + would be willing to be with me- even if I don’t feel it. If I don’t feel it, I won’t start anything, but even if I just don’t, I still appreciate he felt something for me, ya know? Got to honor that.

In other news…trying to find a new layout. Okay, so currently it’s still the usual colors I love so much anyways (black, grey, white, w/ a little red). Obviously there should be an above pic on top- but I may change the layout again soon anyhow. I really love love the first banner this blogger has on very top of his page BTW –(of the Vangot “Starry Night” pic w/ ColdPlay quote- so beautiful -BEAUTIFUL– I want to steal it so bad but it’s a protected pic, so can’t). That guy probably did it himself & put his own creativity and work into it so understandable, but would still steal it if able anyhow and put it up. Love, LOVE it regardless. Love how it emphasizes the stars are shining for “you”. I want people to know the stars are shining for them- and they shine on regardless if you recognize their beauty or not:). I hope you ( whoever you are) knows it. Please know it.

Do you ever buy a CD just because there’s one song on there that you love? Heck, do any of you buy CDs anymore at all? I probably wouldn’t (although I know the sound quality is better than a more condensed file, such as an MP3)- I probably still wouldn’t if I could get a clear connection w/ my MP3 player in the car. But the cigarette adapter brings about poor quality, so I buy CDs for the car. I only buy a CD every few month or so though. I did today for one song called “Fireflies” by Owl City. Never heard that song until a few day ago or even the band. It’s a psychedelic tune and lyrics give me a feeling that almost certainly the song is written about some LSD experience, none of which I can relate to in the slightest, but I still love, love the song regardless. I listen to it over, over…and over. Call me simple minded, I know. In respects I probably am.
<3,
Karen

“It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep…because my dreams are bursting at the seams.” ~ Fireflies - by Owl City

Currently
Ocean Eyes
By Owl City
Fireflies
see related

Sunday, 01 November 2009

Loving the world.

   Today so blah though. No real news. I was out shopping with my mom. What do you think of people who say “I want to feel so comfortable around my family that I don’t have to finish my sentences.” My mom feels this way and freely takes it on. My opinion: if you don’t care what you say, how do you expect anyone else to? She also says to me sometimes “you don’t listen”. But when someone isn’t putting the effort into what they say to even finish their sentences, can they really expect someone to keep exerting the effort to listen? Craziness. My future husband (whoever he is)…unless he has Alzheimers, he better not feel that way. Unless you just don’t have the words to finish..okay..but out of pure laziness… no. Respect your listener…if their taking time to listen to you, take time to care about what you’re saying. That’s my two cents.;)
   As far as Halloween (last night)..turned out to be a good time. I didn’t end up dressing up- perhaps just distraction and busyness preventing. I was almost just going to stay home, but ended up going trick or treating w/ my niece, and so glad I did BTW! The neighborhood we went was so completely fun. It was my brother’s development- which is a newer neighborhood with lots of young families. Good environment for the Halloween experience. A lot of the kids out trick or treating, parents out on the driveways with their bonfires and on their porch, and w/ their drinks and chairs just hanging out/ handing out candy. A lot of people at the door dressed up as well. Almost like one big party- the whole neighborhood it seemed- ha ha! So fun. I loved seeing all the costumes, and being with my niece (who is 3). I’d say to her at the door..“Now what do you say?” after her getting the candy. “Huuuh” she’d think…”thank you!” she’d reply. “Good job!” I’d comment..and on to the next house:) It was just a fun experience. I enjoyed it.
After trick or treating, I may have traumatized her by a happening though. While we were passing out candy on the porch, and I got hungry so I had myself a peanut butter cup- and for whatever reason, this struck a nerve w/ her and she started shouting “peanut butter cup!!”pointing to the one I was eating. Her mom (Molly), at that point said “no no- you’ve had enough sugar for the evening Caitlyn” (comment suggesting that I probably shouldn’t give her some.) But I ended up giving her some anyhow. Then, since I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, I went in side briefly for some real food (needed something a little more substantial than the candy). Pizza boxes were empty, but found a popcorn ball amongst the candy on the counter and ate it. I had it almost finished while talking to some people on the porch, when I heard a loud squeal from around the way. Caitlyn was crying, because as it turns out, she had earned that popcorn ball during her trick or treating efforts (I didn’t know it was hers- honest!! Aw man- what a horrible Auntie I am! LOL). I’ve never seen such pure hate in one’s eyes before. Over the popcorn ball- pure hate had developed in her. I was just like “I’m so sorry, I’ll buy you popcorn balls to make up for it” but she kept saying “popcorn!!”- pointing to me with hate. LOL Aw man, I’ve stolen candy from a child, who could forgive? I didn’t know it was hers! Honest! Aw man!
Hopefully she won’t hold a grudge for next time I see her (I need to buy her popcorn balls just in case) >_<
   By the way, total randomness related to her…I think I might end up being the “the non-mainstream/eccentric aunt” in her life. Not that I mind that though- I’m totally embracing it. I’m not completely the usual, and don’t strive to be. She’ll figure that one out soon enough. People got to do what is best for them, ya know? Not that you should strive to do anything abnormal, but if there’s something where that’s who you are, and to be yourself you need to do something outside of the norm- by all means, you should be brave and do it up like that. Screw normalcy in cases like that. I hope I can instill that belief in her too, and she is comfortable in her skin. Everyone needs an eccentric aunt, anyhow right? A variety of people around you helps keep you grounded. Everyone needs an eclectic collection of relatives/ people there for you. I think she’ll love me when she’s a bit older. I hope she’ll love me.
What else? I'm so excited because work is letting me go to a 4 - 10 schedule starting tomorrow (instead of 5 days, 8 hrs)! Woot woot! ^_^ My day off is mid-week though (Wed). I couldn't pick Mon or Fri related to coverage, but it's all good. May break up the week anyhow, ya know?:) I'm glad 'bout it- one less day getting up early for work and driving into Phx (even though love the job, days off are still a good thing). Got to get up at @ 5:30 for now on. Aw man, sounds so early, but shall do it. One thing I’ve noticed, when I have to get up early (however early- 4 am, 3 am- whatever) for a job, I can definitely do it (worked in coffee houses, breakfast restaurants, etc.). However, if I just wanted to get to work early voluntarily to finish up a project- simply can not bring myself to do it. It’s got to be required. And days when not on the early schedule, I easily sleep in (probably the sign of time mismanagement and sleep deprivation).
Hmmm…oh something cool/random side note! I found several friends I’ve known since elementary school on Facebook in the last few days! Seriously, too cool, huh? Am so thrilled ^_^ I’m barely ever on that site, but it’s good for finding long lost friends like that, would you not agree? I mainly just joined though, so I could occasionally brows and see the randomness people were writing. A couple people have commented to t me things similar too “set up your profile already Karen, and add some pics!” I so love not caring about it though. LOL Let people write me if they want to know what’s up. There will be probably be a next wave of social networking sites evnetually anyhow I susupect, might as well skip exerting much effort on a few every now and then I’d say, right?
In other news..I’m so glad it’s November. I typically love the Holidays. For some reason, I suspect I may experience a little more loneliness than usual this winter though. This is not a bad thing in my case mind you. Loneliness motivates. I am typically so distracted that I rarely feel lonely. A little loneliness could be a good thing for me. A sign of seeing forest instead of just the trees. Can be a sign of seeing healthy perspective sometimes.
Aw man, this is way too long. If you read most of it or skimmed - *applause* - you are a trooper!

<3,
Karen