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Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Guys don’t do this…

Things that should immediately turn girls off (any of us) on dates…

#1.) Mr. “let me try to wrap you into a whole bunch of future plans when I don’t even know you” man. Let me explain. I’ve met several people (not just one anomaly of a guy), who uses the words “we’ll’, “when we”, “wait until we” way, way, WAY too much on the first date. For example, I have an ex-boyfriend, who, first I must add, before we started dating, I was completely, overwhelmingly infatuated with for years. BUT… first date, started acting weird, asking just really bizarre questions like “when would be the soonest you’d want to get married?” Before these type of comments, I really saw myself with this guy, so I tried to push them out of my head, but even though I was with him for awhile after that (because I liked him so much before hand) I felt buried alive between that and other similar comments made out of not recognizing “this is a complex person you don’t know the layers of yet”. I felt like I was on dialysis every minute during our relationship after that, or else buried alive (I don’t know what’s the better analogy). Before we started dating, I was sooo unbelievably attracted/infatuated with him – particularly his creative sense of humor and parts of his personality (he was/is a very charismatic/hilarious guy) that I tried so hard to sweep these type of comments of his under the rug because of it, but felt daily all my blood was drained daily from my body while with him, unable to ignore his lack of judgments/assumptions entirely. I need to be able to trust what my guy says. Believe him. And know he has judgment to know what he’s saying is true. Another guy I went out with, from the first date, wanted to make plans for an overnight cruise. That one may have just wanting one thing, but then again, he may have just assumed things would be good w/ us- I don’t even know which. But do know I need a guy that is able to want/know something better than that. Talking about some future things is fine, but no huge commitments right away/first date or so, okay? I’ll be troubled by anything less. I’ll never be able to burry it under the rug, and assumptions will affect my analysis of his judgment. I want to trust what you say. I might want to see you again, but don’t assume it so often in our conversation. I love a humble man that isn’t too assuming, plus these guys are just a little creepy.

#2.) Mr. “I don’t want any relationship with you at all if you don’t want to be my lover” man. Really? I mean really? As an example, this one guy asked me out, but I saw through one date I wasn’t that interested and just wanted to be friends - I explained to him that I wasn’t interested, but honestly wanted to keep him as a friend and would let him know next time something was going on that we could maybe hang out. He literally wrote me this text back saying “Look, I’m 31, I want to find someone I can be with. I don’t need anymore friends. I want someone I can cuddle with while we’re watching a movie and be with.” Oh my gosh! As if, whoever you end up with anyhow, you’d wouldn’t hopefully want to be around regardless if they’d accept you as a friend or other, anyhow right? I hope he’d at least be willing to be accepting new friends in general. I’ve always been & probably will always be on the lookout for cool new people to add to my stash of friends. I don’t understand otherwise. Maybe there’s something I’m missing. Plus who knows? This guy/these guys may have potentially met a good match for them by hanging out with some of my other friends, right? It is just bizarre to meet people so focused on one goal like that. They need to relax it a bit and just appreciate, even the girls they meet that they may not end up being with, a conversation or friendship with them may bless their lives regardless. And if they’re not even enamored with you enough to let a friendship happen, is it really someone you’d want to be with long term anyhow? I don’t get it. Aw well. Regardless, I don’t want any of it.

#3.) Mr. “I’m too cool to be real man.” Learn nothing significant about him. He refuses any amount of transparency. I can’t make his guard come down, but what I do know is am a real person, and need a real person. We’re all real- so I know your faking. But I can’t make you reveal yourself.

But then, regardless of the above, there are also guys out there that seem so perfect, but are just not for me. I appreciate all these guys. I appreciate anyone sane + would be willing to be with me- even if I don’t feel it. If I don’t feel it, I won’t start anything, but even if I just don’t, I still appreciate he felt something for me, ya know? Got to honor that.

In other news…trying to find a new layout. Okay, so currently it’s still the usual colors I love so much anyways (black, grey, white, w/ a little red). Obviously there should be an above pic on top- but I may change the layout again soon anyhow. I really love love the first banner this blogger has on very top of his page BTW –(of the Vangot “Starry Night” pic w/ ColdPlay quote- so beautiful -BEAUTIFUL– I want to steal it so bad but it’s a protected pic, so can’t). That guy probably did it himself & put his own creativity and work into it so understandable, but would still steal it if able anyhow and put it up. Love, LOVE it regardless. Love how it emphasizes the stars are shining for “you”. I want people to know the stars are shining for them- and they shine on regardless if you recognize their beauty or not:). I hope you ( whoever you are) knows it. Please know it.

Do you ever buy a CD just because there’s one song on there that you love? Heck, do any of you buy CDs anymore at all? I probably wouldn’t (although I know the sound quality is better than a more condensed file, such as an MP3)- I probably still wouldn’t if I could get a clear connection w/ my MP3 player in the car. But the cigarette adapter brings about poor quality, so I buy CDs for the car. I only buy a CD every few month or so though. I did today for one song called “Fireflies” by Owl City. Never heard that song until a few day ago or even the band. It’s a psychedelic tune and lyrics give me a feeling that almost certainly the song is written about some LSD experience, none of which I can relate to in the slightest, but I still love, love the song regardless. I listen to it over, over…and over. Call me simple minded, I know. In respects I probably am.
<3,
Karen

“It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep…because my dreams are bursting at the seams.” ~ Fireflies - by Owl City

Currently
Ocean Eyes
By Owl City
Fireflies
see related

Sunday, 01 November 2009

Loving the world.

   Today so blah though. No real news. I was out shopping with my mom. What do you think of people who say “I want to feel so comfortable around my family that I don’t have to finish my sentences.” My mom feels this way and freely takes it on. My opinion: if you don’t care what you say, how do you expect anyone else to? She also says to me sometimes “you don’t listen”. But when someone isn’t putting the effort into what they say to even finish their sentences, can they really expect someone to keep exerting the effort to listen? Craziness. My future husband (whoever he is)…unless he has Alzheimers, he better not feel that way. Unless you just don’t have the words to finish..okay..but out of pure laziness… no. Respect your listener…if their taking time to listen to you, take time to care about what you’re saying. That’s my two cents.;)
   As far as Halloween (last night)..turned out to be a good time. I didn’t end up dressing up- perhaps just distraction and busyness preventing. I was almost just going to stay home, but ended up going trick or treating w/ my niece, and so glad I did BTW! The neighborhood we went was so completely fun. It was my brother’s development- which is a newer neighborhood with lots of young families. Good environment for the Halloween experience. A lot of the kids out trick or treating, parents out on the driveways with their bonfires and on their porch, and w/ their drinks and chairs just hanging out/ handing out candy. A lot of people at the door dressed up as well. Almost like one big party- the whole neighborhood it seemed- ha ha! So fun. I loved seeing all the costumes, and being with my niece (who is 3). I’d say to her at the door..“Now what do you say?” after her getting the candy. “Huuuh” she’d think…”thank you!” she’d reply. “Good job!” I’d comment..and on to the next house:) It was just a fun experience. I enjoyed it.
After trick or treating, I may have traumatized her by a happening though. While we were passing out candy on the porch, and I got hungry so I had myself a peanut butter cup- and for whatever reason, this struck a nerve w/ her and she started shouting “peanut butter cup!!”pointing to the one I was eating. Her mom (Molly), at that point said “no no- you’ve had enough sugar for the evening Caitlyn” (comment suggesting that I probably shouldn’t give her some.) But I ended up giving her some anyhow. Then, since I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, I went in side briefly for some real food (needed something a little more substantial than the candy). Pizza boxes were empty, but found a popcorn ball amongst the candy on the counter and ate it. I had it almost finished while talking to some people on the porch, when I heard a loud squeal from around the way. Caitlyn was crying, because as it turns out, she had earned that popcorn ball during her trick or treating efforts (I didn’t know it was hers- honest!! Aw man- what a horrible Auntie I am! LOL). I’ve never seen such pure hate in one’s eyes before. Over the popcorn ball- pure hate had developed in her. I was just like “I’m so sorry, I’ll buy you popcorn balls to make up for it” but she kept saying “popcorn!!”- pointing to me with hate. LOL Aw man, I’ve stolen candy from a child, who could forgive? I didn’t know it was hers! Honest! Aw man!
Hopefully she won’t hold a grudge for next time I see her (I need to buy her popcorn balls just in case) >_<
   By the way, total randomness related to her…I think I might end up being the “the non-mainstream/eccentric aunt” in her life. Not that I mind that though- I’m totally embracing it. I’m not completely the usual, and don’t strive to be. She’ll figure that one out soon enough. People got to do what is best for them, ya know? Not that you should strive to do anything abnormal, but if there’s something where that’s who you are, and to be yourself you need to do something outside of the norm- by all means, you should be brave and do it up like that. Screw normalcy in cases like that. I hope I can instill that belief in her too, and she is comfortable in her skin. Everyone needs an eccentric aunt, anyhow right? A variety of people around you helps keep you grounded. Everyone needs an eclectic collection of relatives/ people there for you. I think she’ll love me when she’s a bit older. I hope she’ll love me.
What else? I'm so excited because work is letting me go to a 4 - 10 schedule starting tomorrow (instead of 5 days, 8 hrs)! Woot woot! ^_^ My day off is mid-week though (Wed). I couldn't pick Mon or Fri related to coverage, but it's all good. May break up the week anyhow, ya know?:) I'm glad 'bout it- one less day getting up early for work and driving into Phx (even though love the job, days off are still a good thing). Got to get up at @ 5:30 for now on. Aw man, sounds so early, but shall do it. One thing I’ve noticed, when I have to get up early (however early- 4 am, 3 am- whatever) for a job, I can definitely do it (worked in coffee houses, breakfast restaurants, etc.). However, if I just wanted to get to work early voluntarily to finish up a project- simply can not bring myself to do it. It’s got to be required. And days when not on the early schedule, I easily sleep in (probably the sign of time mismanagement and sleep deprivation).
Hmmm…oh something cool/random side note! I found several friends I’ve known since elementary school on Facebook in the last few days! Seriously, too cool, huh? Am so thrilled ^_^ I’m barely ever on that site, but it’s good for finding long lost friends like that, would you not agree? I mainly just joined though, so I could occasionally brows and see the randomness people were writing. A couple people have commented to t me things similar too “set up your profile already Karen, and add some pics!” I so love not caring about it though. LOL Let people write me if they want to know what’s up. There will be probably be a next wave of social networking sites evnetually anyhow I susupect, might as well skip exerting much effort on a few every now and then I’d say, right?
In other news..I’m so glad it’s November. I typically love the Holidays. For some reason, I suspect I may experience a little more loneliness than usual this winter though. This is not a bad thing in my case mind you. Loneliness motivates. I am typically so distracted that I rarely feel lonely. A little loneliness could be a good thing for me. A sign of seeing forest instead of just the trees. Can be a sign of seeing healthy perspective sometimes.
Aw man, this is way too long. If you read most of it or skimmed - *applause* - you are a trooper!

<3,
Karen

Sunday, 25 October 2009

Because that's the way we roll...

Go Cardinals!!!:)

Sunday, 18 October 2009

Scaryness

Love Halloween . Don’t know what I’m going to be yet this year though. Some time left I guess. Haven’t been at this work for Halloween yet, but apparently everyone dresses up. I have a couple of really cool costumes I could wear, but I’ve already worn each a couple of times. I might need to go by this Halloween store/"the Spirit Store" by my house and see what they have. I’m thinking one of the following ideas…
a. Dark princess
b. Fairy from hell
c. Spooky/dark/haloween-ish/pretty but obscure figure
   What do you think? Maybe the last one would just confuse people and cause awkward “what are you?” type exchanges, huh? LOL! Iono. Whatever it ends up being..it’s gotta be dark but pretty (love dressing up like that). On a small note, I’ve already got some black sparkly + “Glow in the Dark” nail polishes I plan to wear next week. For all rest, I don’t know what I’ll do yet. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays though.
Other news…
   I saw this movie (Paranormal Activity) this weekend. It was cute and scary. I know, that is a bizarre combo of a description, huh? LOL Actually it’s not even that scary, but when you go home, it’s scary when trying to fall asleep. A lot of scary movies are opposite, might be scary during the film (due to not knowing when what’s going to pop out, etc), but then no longer scary post-movie. This one, not really too scary while watching, but when you go home, start hearing your home settling which could be scary after it. Glad no one else lives with me after watching that movie. Would be aftaid would get possessed, stand over me in the middle of the night like that girl, and then same would happen to me as the guy in the end. Ps. As may already be aware w/ that one, it’s a very low budget movie, so you automatically have to cut it a big break knowing that. That’s half of what made me curious though/ makes it fun to see in the first place.
Other things…
   I’m off this week.:) I’m going to Disney Land w/ family. We’re driving down tomorrow. Will be in CA a few days, then driving back Fri. Excited to be going w/ my niece, nephew, brother, their family, and my mom. My guard is up in some ways regarding my mom though (I feel she often wants me to feel bad to gain control of me. To be able to alter some ones emotions/mood, is a form of empowerment, ya know? I won’t hand my mood over to her though. I’m going to keep my guard strong and remain happy). Many of you may not understand anything of that sort. If you so happen to as well, let me know. It’s ongoing, and I feel alone w/ that situation. Regardless, <3 my family, will focus on that and enjoy my trip.
   Speaking of scary things, I’m scared to know how many email are going to build up in my work in box while gone for a week. I’m typically so good at responding to people (and because of the nature of what I do, need to be) and feel great about being strong with that because it’s important for my particular job. But since starting this job, I’ve never been gone as long, and a lot of my correspondence is through email, so I suspect high build up of them. I’m turning my auto office reply on of course, but still may respond to a few/ or maybe not. You need to set up healthy boundaries, right? I need to be present during my vacation. Don’t’ want my physical body on vacation, but mind at work. I need to work on being present in what I’m doing. Want to become better at that in general.
Other things…
I love these videos on “The Fun Theory” by Volkswagon…
Nothn' more I can think to say.
<3,
Karen
ps. Have an awesome week!
I’ll say hi to Mickey for you!;)

Saturday, 03 October 2009

..

Went to a small Chinese festival @ the Chinese Cultural Center in Phx yesterday.

Was such a small event but the plaza was interesting- all Chinese businesses (hadn't seen that area before). Once of my friends is into Feng shui and we thought they may have arts/crafts at the event - but they mainly just had some dance performances, but the businesses were open and cool to see the area.
It all motivated me to go by here today…

(huge Asian supermarket by my house)
As well as stop and get…

at..

Got my hair done today as well. My hair dresser rocks! I was so laughing hysterically at the salon this morning (not related to hair though). I almost cried at one point I was laughing so hard. As far as the new hair, nothing real crazy/edgy, it’s mostly just back to brown again w/ some blonde. I want to do something really dramatic but I need to find something I’m really thrilled about to try. I want to be excited about any big change, ya know?
Work has been crazy BTW. Everyone and their mom has been calling me w/ questions about our new WIC food packages. Since I do a lot of the special food package requests and am a part of the food package team, my phone has been ringing a lot this past week. Not a lot of crazy questions/people though, just busy. Oh a little bit of crazy sometimes though I guess. For example, this one guy called yesterday and wanted goats milk for his 6 month old. He insisted on it. I tried to explain to him all milks are not the same, and the nutrient ratios are very different in goats milk vs. human milk or formula, micronutrients aren’t at levels baby needs including too little of a lot of them, and too high in sodium etc for baby’s developing arteries and kidneys. But he said that goat’s milk was the only thing his baby did well on and that breast milk and formula are too “heavy” for the stomach. ::Karen rolls eyes:: (cows or goats milk not recommended before age of 1 at all, let alone staple of the diet/ main source of nutrients). Now this dad seemed to have good intentions- I must give him that. He seemed polite and nice, just that there was this spew of non-sense (but he didn’t know it was that) coming out of his month. He honestly wanted the best thing for his baby though. I tried to understand where he was coming from and guide him from there. He probably was just assuming milk (whether from human, goat, cow, dear, pig, or hamsters;) was all about the same. In his thought processes, milk = milk generally maybe. He’s not the only one to assume something crazy like that though. I’ve seen a lot of patients in healthcare with good intentions that are doing something harmful. In a hospital I used to worked at, for instance, there were some parents that had their children on a strict diet that they truly thought was healthiest, but it was really limiting and deficient in a lot of ways, to the point it went to the courts for these parents improperly treating/mal-nourishing their child. The parents loved their children, but it was a bizarre situation never the less. An additional example, at a dialysis center I used to work at, I had a patient that would put honey on her dialysis catheter, insisting it would keep it free of bacteria. She got sepsis from doing that- it could have killed her. She wasn’t trying to hurt herself though. Good intentions, good people, just bad, well intended decisions.
‘kay, time for another episode of randomness…
<3 the psychology magazines.
I was in Barnes and Noble earlier today, and was reading this…

There was an article mentioning, that people weren’t as good at predicting the lengths of their own relationships or marriages, as their friends were. Apparently, we do a horrible job at predicting length of our own relationships ourselves…but our friends (perhaps they are less blind, since not involved in the relationship)- do a quite accurate job. Also mentioned, as a better predictor, if trying to judge yourself, is how happy you are in the relationship. Not how long you estimate it will last, but how happy you are in that relationship.
Eerily enough, right after browsing that magazine, I found something related... in this magasine…

An article in there mentioned kids who smile more tend to grow up to have a lower likelihood of divorce. So maybe the best predictor is not only how happy you are in whatever particular relationship, but in general as well. Isn’t that interesting?
Intended to go here tonight, but I didn’t feel up to it. I just stayed in.
Tomorrow morning…I’m going to go..

Not much more to say.
'til later.
~~~~~~~~
“What you believe about yourself is what you project to other people, and that is what other then believe about you. Of coarse, that is how they treat you, which only reinforces the belief that you aren’t worth it. And what is the truth? The truth is that you are worth it, everybody is worth it.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz.